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self-care in marriage

Self-Care Contributes to Happy Marriages

Self-care is a big part of what you bring to your relationships. If you are not taking care of yourself, you can easily become depleted physically, emotionally and spiritually. This detracts from your ability to love and serve your family.

The more you take care of yourself, the more you have to give, the more interesting you are, and the more you not only love yourself, but are able to fully love and serve your spouse and children.

Being a tom-boy from Cody Wyoming, Courtney Beardall says she was a “little late coming to the party” when it came to self-care.

But she has concluded:

“How you take care of yourself, how you respect yourself, and the time you invest in yourself reflects in all aspects of your life. It’s the other side of the same coin of being successful. I’ve come to understand there is real merit in making yourself appear as you want to be. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s valuable.”

Audio Length: 4 minutes, 45 seconds

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steamy romance

Looking For That Steamy Romance?

I think most women long for instant passionate “gotta have you” steamy romance. I’ve had some of that and I’ll admit it can be fun for a time. But, not until I married Chris have I known what it’s like to have such admiration and rich respect for a man that it magnified my ability to love and be attracted to him.

They say women want to be loved and men crave respect. I realize every human being deserves respect. But I don’t think I ever fully loved until I was able to so easily respect and admire a man because he’s just a good, good man.

This mutual love and respect combined with a deep desire to contribute to each other’s happiness makes that flashy stuff of romance novels pale in comparison.

If I could give any advice to single women it would be to take a good assessment of what makes you respect a man. What attributes and personality traits engender your respect? Look for someone who possesses those characteristics.

Red hot instant attraction often clouds our judgement about whether someone is a good fit for us. So keep the physical contact to a minimum in the early stages so you can keep a clear head.

And give that really good guy (who you might not be instantly head-over-heels for) a little more time to get to know him. That “red hot romance” could develop out of a true connection and mutual respect.

Did you know your men challenges could be related to your money problems? Mine were. Here’s what I discovered

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Joe and Nicole Dean, married 20 years

Making Time for Your Marriage

When you’re a busy woman entrepreneur with or without kids, it can be very difficult making time for your marriage. By the time you get your work done, take care of the kids and the house, your marriage often gets the shaft. Just like your business, your marriage needs time to keep it nourished and alive.

I had the opportunity to interview busy entrepreneur, Nicole Dean about making time for your marriage. Here’s what she had to say.

making time for your marriage - nicole deanNicole Dean

Nicole says, “It’s always good for us to be throwing in something new and exciting. I always like to have something on the calendar to look forward to, so I don’t wake up and think, “Oh, it’s another day.”

Audio Length: 1 minute, 35 seconds

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Courtney and Dallas Beardall, married 23 years

Make Time For Each Other

From the interview I conducted with Courtney Beardall.

courtney beardallCourtney Beardall

Courtney and her husband are very active people. She calls them “do-ers” so they don’t let grass grow long enough to get stale in their marriage. What Courtney suggests is making time for each other whether you’re going to Dairy Queen or Mexico.

Audio Length: 1 minute



Want all 20 full uncut interviews, all the audios below plus more subjects not included in the summit? Want them handy on your computer, MP3 player or phone? Get the full Having It All Audio Package here.

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Larry and Debra Gordy, married 21 years

Soul Satisfying Love: 3 Secrets to Creating It

I interviewed Debra Brown-Gordy about how to create a soul satisfying love. Here’s what she had to say…

soul satisfying loveDebra Brown-Gordy

In order to create a soul-satisfying love and to keep the spice, interest and vitality in your relationship, Debra Brown-Gordy says you need to understand first and foremost what marriage is. It’s not what many of us think. It’s so much more.

Listen to this 20-minute audio to discover 3 Secrets to Soul-Satisfying Love.



Want all 20 full uncut interviews, all the audios below plus more subjects not included in the summit? Want them handy on your computer, MP3 player or phone? Get the full Having It All Audio Package here.

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Cherish Every Moment

What Do You Do When Your Dream Comes True?

Have you ever gone for a big goal or dream and achieved it and then thought, “Now what?”

in August 2011, I captured a compelling vision of a wonderful, connected relationship with a man I could love, respect and admire. I had no idea who that man would be. But I knew somehow, some way he was in my future.

That vision propelled me forward. It led me to lose weight, get in shape, tap into my femininity, grow a spine, and learn to set boundaries with men.

I stepped out of my comfort zone in a big way, ending a 28-year marriage, traveling to new places, meeting new people, and trying new things. I got in touch with my emotions and got vulnerable enough to repeatedly put my heart on the line.

I bounced back from more than one broken heart, and willingly risked it one more time to keep moving toward that vision of a connected relationship with a man I could love, respect and admire.

The very worst of me came for a visit, but was vanquished by the very best in me. I learned about what was important to me and what really didn’t matter in the long run.

Now What?

There is one thing I hadn’t considered and that is the unusual “silence” that follows reaching a big dream.

I love my life. I love my husband. We’ll celebrate our first anniversary in September. I found the connection I was looking for and I love this man more every single day.

But here’s what people never tell you… when you spend every ounce of energy you have going for a big vision and then it becomes a reality, you’re thrilled about that, but after you’ve gone a little ways living this new life, it starts to feel normal.

Then you hear people talking about going for big dreams and you think, “I don’t have a dream to pursue. I’m living my dream.”

And somehow you wonder if that’s wrong. Shouldn’t I always have some big passionate dream I’m going for? There very well could be some other dream that will capture my passion around the corner. But even if there isn’t, I’ve decided my passion is to make the most of the gift I’ve been given.

CherishEveryMoment-FBPostMake The Most of Where You Are

How can I make this marriage I dreamed and longed for the best it can be? How can I show my love to this wonderful man each and every day? How can I create more peace and love in our home? How can we co-create a beautiful life together and live it to fullest?

Relationships have to be nourished and appreciated to last. Living the dream is the really fun part. Happiness isn’t “out there” in some future place anymore. It’s in the here and now. For many of us, that is a challenging shift in perspective. We tend to always want what we don’t have. I’ve decided to cherish every moment of what I DO have here and now. That is my dream. That is my passion. Soak up every ounce of love in the NOW.

Frankly, that’s probably what I should have been doing all along!

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Newlywed Chronicles: Moving Weekend

We moved to a new house over the weekend. It’s a fresh start for my new husband and me. The idea of moving took some getting used to because it meant moving away from my dream property that I designed and built my house on 18 years ago.

Once I acclimated to the idea of moving, I approached the move with curiosity, just going with the flow and seeing how it went. I wasn’t really sure how I’d feel. Whatever it might be, I was ready to get it done and have a solid foundation under my life instead of feeling like I was in limbo.

I must say I’m enjoying the new house. Chris is very happy having his own workspace in the garage and a home that feels like it’s his to fix and putter around in.

For me, I think the other night sums it up best. After a busy day of Chris, the boys and me working to settle into the house, we sat down to watch Mocking Jay 2. I looked at my husband and sons and thought, “this is how a family should be.”

For the first time since we married it felt like we were a real, cohesive family, working together, relaxing together — united. It became real. Being in a home that’s all of ours (not one that was mine first) has given us the opportunity to work together to make this house our home. It’s united us.

Yes, I think I’m going to like this…

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Ayn Rand on Sex

Ayn Rand: Sex and How You See Yourself

My all-time favorite novel is Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. It helped me see where I had been enabling other people in my life. It helped me grow a spine and set boundaries in relationships. It opened my eyes to where I had lost myself. Reading Atlas Shrugged was one of the first steps I took in finding my way back to emotional and relational health.

I like Rand because she makes me think, and I absolutely love the characters in Atlas Shrugged. I’ve watched video interviews with Rand, and she comes across more abrasive and stubborn in person than in her fiction. I don’t always agree with her philosophies, but because I love the novel so much, I’ve tried to at least understand where she’s coming from. Doing so, has helped me gain new insights into relationships and humanity.

I was researching some of Rand’s quotes today for another blog and found this intriguing quote on sex. In recent years I’ve come to understand how closely tied our sex lives are to the value we see in ourselves. I’ve never heard anyone articulate it quite this way.

aynrand“Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person’s sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves.

No matter what corruption they’re taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment – just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! – an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.

It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience – or to fake – a sense of self-esteem .. Love is our response to our highest values – and can be nothing else.”  – Ayn Rand

What do you think of what she has to say on this subject?

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Chris and Marnie Marcus wedding day

Newlywed Chronicles: 6-Month Anniversary

Chris and I celebrate our 6 month wedding anniversary today (3/4/16). Some might say we’re still in the newlywed phase, but we’ve been slammed with more challenges, drama and loss in those six months than the average couple would probably endure in a three year period. We’ve had our baptism by fire and I’ve got to say, I love this man like I have never loved anyone before.

On our wedding day, I had only an inkling of who he truly is. Each day with him is like unpacking a gift from God that keeps revealing admirable traits, pleasant surprises, love and laughter.

What a good, honorable, loving man he is! I love being with someone who draws from my heart such an intense respect, trust, love, and adoration as this man does from mine. He is such an affectionate, attentive, hard-working, fun and wise friend to me!

I have lost much in the last year and God sent me this marvelous man who not only knows what it is to lose everything and can help me process the grief, but also believes in and values who I really am at the core. He’s constantly holding a space for the real me and my true worth. I am learning who I am through his eyes.

It took me 49 years to find this sweet connection — this quest of a lifetime. Whatever I may or may not accomplish in the rest of my days, I will have all I need in loving and being loved by this man. Thank you, God, for answered prayers (and as Garth Brooks sings, the “unanswered ones”).


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Finding Mr. Right

how to get a man to love meI saw this post about “How to Get a Man to Love You.” I spent time during my dating years reading stuff like that. Trying to figure out how men tick and what I was supposed to do to “make a man love me.”

Here’s what I discovered… STOP trying to make a man love you. That’s the problem! You care too much. Stop needing, forcing or trying so danged hard. Just be yourself and the man who is right for you … who is going to love you … will just love you.

You won’t have to “get him to do it.” Be yourself, love yourself, hold to your values and wait for the man who knows he’s found a treasure from the get-go!

Here’s how I used positive affirmations to retrain my brain and found the man who instantly saw my value and loves me for me.

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