steamy romance

Looking For That Steamy Romance?

I think most women long for instant passionate “gotta have you” steamy romance. I’ve had some of that and I’ll admit it can be fun for a time. But, not until I married Chris have I known what it’s like to have such admiration and rich respect for a man that it magnified my ability to love and be attracted to him.

They say women want to be loved and men crave respect. I realize every human being deserves respect. But I don’t think I ever fully loved until I was able to so easily respect and admire a man because he’s just a good, good man.

This mutual love and respect combined with a deep desire to contribute to each other’s happiness makes that flashy stuff of romance novels pale in comparison.

If I could give any advice to single women it would be to take a good assessment of what makes you respect a man. What attributes and personality traits engender your respect? Look for someone who possesses those characteristics.

Red hot instant attraction often clouds our judgement about whether someone is a good fit for us. So keep the physical contact to a minimum in the early stages so you can keep a clear head.

And give that really good guy (who you might not be instantly head-over-heels for) a little more time to get to know him. That “red hot romance” could develop out of a true connection and mutual respect.

Did you know your men challenges could be related to your money problems? Mine were. Here’s what I discovered

Cherish Every Moment

What Do You Do When Your Dream Comes True?

Have you ever gone for a big goal or dream and achieved it and then thought, “Now what?”

in August 2011, I captured a compelling vision of a wonderful, connected relationship with a man I could love, respect and admire. I had no idea who that man would be. But I knew somehow, some way he was in my future.

That vision propelled me forward. It led me to lose weight, get in shape, tap into my femininity, grow a spine, and learn to set boundaries with men.

I stepped out of my comfort zone in a big way, ending a 28-year marriage, traveling to new places, meeting new people, and trying new things. I got in touch with my emotions and got vulnerable enough to repeatedly put my heart on the line.

I bounced back from more than one broken heart, and willingly risked it one more time to keep moving toward that vision of a connected relationship with a man I could love, respect and admire.

The very worst of me came for a visit, but was vanquished by the very best in me. I learned about what was important to me and what really didn’t matter in the long run.

Now What?

There is one thing I hadn’t considered and that is the unusual “silence” that follows reaching a big dream.

I love my life. I love my husband. We’ll celebrate our first anniversary in September. I found the connection I was looking for and I love this man more every single day.

But here’s what people never tell you… when you spend every ounce of energy you have going for a big vision and then it becomes a reality, you’re thrilled about that, but after you’ve gone a little ways living this new life, it starts to feel normal.

Then you hear people talking about going for big dreams and you think, “I don’t have a dream to pursue. I’m living my dream.”

And somehow you wonder if that’s wrong. Shouldn’t I always have some big passionate dream I’m going for? There very well could be some other dream that will capture my passion around the corner. But even if there isn’t, I’ve decided my passion is to make the most of the gift I’ve been given.

CherishEveryMoment-FBPostMake The Most of Where You Are

How can I make this marriage I dreamed and longed for the best it can be? How can I show my love to this wonderful man each and every day? How can I create more peace and love in our home? How can we co-create a beautiful life together and live it to fullest?

Relationships have to be nourished and appreciated to last. Living the dream is the really fun part. Happiness isn’t “out there” in some future place anymore. It’s in the here and now. For many of us, that is a challenging shift in perspective. We tend to always want what we don’t have. I’ve decided to cherish every moment of what I DO have here and now. That is my dream. That is my passion. Soak up every ounce of love in the NOW.

Frankly, that’s probably what I should have been doing all along!

newhouse-front2

Newlywed Chronicles: Moving Weekend

We moved to a new house over the weekend. It’s a fresh start for my new husband and me. The idea of moving took some getting used to because it meant moving away from my dream property that I designed and built my house on 18 years ago.

Once I acclimated to the idea of moving, I approached the move with curiosity, just going with the flow and seeing how it went. I wasn’t really sure how I’d feel. Whatever it might be, I was ready to get it done and have a solid foundation under my life instead of feeling like I was in limbo.

I must say I’m enjoying the new house. Chris is very happy having his own workspace in the garage and a home that feels like it’s his to fix and putter around in.

For me, I think the other night sums it up best. After a busy day of Chris, the boys and me working to settle into the house, we sat down to watch Mocking Jay 2. I looked at my husband and sons and thought, “this is how a family should be.”

For the first time since we married it felt like we were a real, cohesive family, working together, relaxing together — united. It became real. Being in a home that’s all of ours (not one that was mine first) has given us the opportunity to work together to make this house our home. It’s united us.

Yes, I think I’m going to like this…

Chris and Marnie Marcus wedding day

Newlywed Chronicles: 6-Month Anniversary

Chris and I celebrate our 6 month wedding anniversary today (3/4/16). Some might say we’re still in the newlywed phase, but we’ve been slammed with more challenges, drama and loss in those six months than the average couple would probably endure in a three year period. We’ve had our baptism by fire and I’ve got to say, I love this man like I have never loved anyone before.

On our wedding day, I had only an inkling of who he truly is. Each day with him is like unpacking a gift from God that keeps revealing admirable traits, pleasant surprises, love and laughter.

What a good, honorable, loving man he is! I love being with someone who draws from my heart such an intense respect, trust, love, and adoration as this man does from mine. He is such an affectionate, attentive, hard-working, fun and wise friend to me!

I have lost much in the last year and God sent me this marvelous man who not only knows what it is to lose everything and can help me process the grief, but also believes in and values who I really am at the core. He’s constantly holding a space for the real me and my true worth. I am learning who I am through his eyes.

It took me 49 years to find this sweet connection — this quest of a lifetime. Whatever I may or may not accomplish in the rest of my days, I will have all I need in loving and being loved by this man. Thank you, God, for answered prayers (and as Garth Brooks sings, the “unanswered ones”).

 

new house for newlyweds

Newlywed Chronicles: A New Home

If you remarry, should you move to a new home with your new spouse? Many experts recommend that if you're beginning a new marriage you should begin it in a new home that is just yours together.

While I have loved living on 24 acres next door to my sister's family for the last 18 years, it's time to move on and start fresh.

Chris wants a place that's just his and mine; and frankly, I wouldn't want to live in a house he'd lived in with his ex-wife. So I certainly can't blame him. I'm thinking letting go of the old memories would be good for me too.

The home we're moving to is smaller than the one we have now, but there are lots of things I really like about it.

  • It's more affordable.
  • It's got real hardwood floors throughout the first floor and tile in the kitchen.
  • I like the roomy kitchen and while the cabinets are dated, that's a project for the future, and Chris loves projects.
  • It has a garage (which we don't have in our current house).
  • There's a man cave area in the garage for Chris to work on his projects.
  • The yard is fenced and will by nice for Snow (our Great Pyrenees).
  • There's a cool area for a Zen garden.
  • Best of all, it doesn't have the 1/2 mile dirt road from hell or the massive flooding problem that we have in our current home.

Since the house is smaller, it's a great opportunity to simplify my life and let go of the junk we've collected over the last 18 years. The thought of sorting through it all is feels overwhelming, but I'm trusting it's all working out for the best in the end. 

 

 

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marnie and chris greek goddes and warrior

Newlywed Chronicles: A Ready Warrior

martina muir warriorMy friend Martina Muir posted in her Warriors of Light group about how she can be peaceful and love others yet still be willing to fight for truth and what’s right. She’s a ready warrior if the call comes.

I love this about Martina. It’s also one of the things I love about my husband. He models this blend so well.

People love him. He’s kind and remembers every child that goes through the schools. Whenever we leave the house, we’re always running into “one of his kids.”

Yet as former Air Force and currently a School Resource Officer, he has a strong sense of justice and is ready and willing to fight for the truth, for principle, and to protect others with his life.

It’s fun to watch the blend of tough and tender, justice and mercy, serious and silly, diplomatic and blunt wrapped in one package. Before knowing him I wouldn’t have believed such a contrasting combo could exist inside one person.

I’m more of a peace person. But I will use the power of the pen to stand up for truth. I’m the pen and he’s the sword.

One of the beautiful things about a good marriage, I think, is the new blend created by the partners’ combined strengths.

paulascardamalia-longeryouremarried

NewlyWed Chronicles: The Longer the Better

My husband Chris and I are approaching 5 months of wedded bliss. This morning as I was lying in his arms, I said, “I’m not seeing your flaws. I must still be in the honeymoon phase.”

He said, “Good. Stay there.”

I added, “How about we stay here for another 50 years? Let’s stay here forever.”

He thought that was a good idea.

Bob and Paula Scardamalia

Bob and Paula Scardamalia

Most people think the longer you’re married, the more boring and ordinary it becomes. My friend Paula Scardamalia says it’s the complete opposite.

By the way, Bob and Paula are one of the three couples who modeled to me what a great marriage could be. So I highly prize her wisdom. She told me this:

“The longer you’re married to somebody, the more of a delight and adventure it is. There is so much within the sexual relationship, within the emotional relationship, within the mental and the physical and even within the spiritual.

They are all journeys that if you can stay with it, if you’re willing to work within the relationship, become so much richer, so much deeper, so much more color and texture. It’s such a journey worth taking.”

Listen in as Paula expounds on why this is…

 

      PaulaScardamalia-LongerTheBetter

 

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man sweeping house

NewlyWed Chronicles: What Women Want

marnie and elijahMy 14-year-old son Elijah and I had been to the store and were on our way back. I’m not sure how the subject came up, but I took a moment to plant a few seeds with my son about the kind of man he might like to be. He’s a very kind and thoughtful young man — very helpful and has a genuine love for people.

When I spot that kind of person, I can’t resist giving him the inside secrets to getting even better results in life. I suggested to Elijah that he take the opportunity to learn as much as he could about home repairs from Chris (his stepfather). I explained that if he knows how to fix things, it’ll give him the edge when he’s ready to find a wife. Women find a man who can fix things incredibly attractive.

We walked in the house and Chris was sweeping the floor (without being asked).

I pointed to Chris and said, “Now that, that’s just hot!”

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Newlywed Chronicles: Needing a Man

I found this song by Meghan Trainor yesterday and really love it. It's about loving someone like there's no tomorrow. It made me think of how I feel about my husband. Every day I have with him is precious.

 

I woke up around 4 am this morning, unable to sleep. Chris was lying on his back, so I didn't want to disturb him. I laid there wanting to put my arms around him and feel his body next to mine. As I lay there in the stillness, I realized how much I need this man. He is such an incredible comfort to me.

He eventually turned over on his side, and I snuggled up behind him, putting my arm around his waist. I could feel him lean into me and everything was right in my world again.

I haven't allowed myself to need a man in decades. But I do need this man -- his kindness, his warmth, his touch, his love, his provision, his wisdom.

chris-marnie-dancing-weddingWhen I first told one of my friends that I had decided to divorce my first husband, she said, "I could see that coming." I was surprised because I'd never complained about him to her. I'd never said I was unhappy in my marriage.

She said, "Sometimes it's what you don't say that says the most." She continued, "You know how your friends are so important to you? That was an indicator to me that your core relationship was missing something important."

For my entire adult life I've been a people collector. I love people. I love their diversity, their viewpoints, their wisdom. But it never occurred to me that I was really searching for something I was missing in my core marital relationship.

I love my friends and always will. I have needed them and still do. But with this man, I don't feel that insatiable need to roam the world collecting people to fill a void. Some would say I shouldn't need anyone. I should be okay being alone. I can be alone. But, I am at the core a connector, a collaborator, a co-creator. I was born to be part of something synergistic.

While this marriage is beautiful, and exactly what I've longed for, it's also a bit frightening because I realize nothing, in this life, lasts forever. So I will continue to love him each and every moment as if it is our last.

chris-marnie-hug

It’s All About the Hugs

I was browsing through our wedding photos and was particular drawn to one of me giving my husband a hug. So much of the bliss I experience in marriage comes from my husband's hugs. Whether it's lying in his arms at night or the hug he gives me when he leaves for work in the morning, there's something downright addicting about having his arms around me and being close to him.

As I thought about this, I realized that I love hugs ... period. A blissful life is one filled with hugs. Hugs from friends, from children, from grandbabies, from parents... almost every precious moment in my life is punctuated with a hug. So, just for fun, I put together this little montage video of some of my favorite hugs. Hug someone today!