steamy romance

Looking For That Steamy Romance?

I think most women long for instant passionate “gotta have you” steamy romance. I’ve had some of that and I’ll admit it can be fun for a time. But, not until I married Chris have I known what it’s like to have such admiration and rich respect for a man that it magnified my ability to love and be attracted to him.

They say women want to be loved and men crave respect. I realize every human being deserves respect. But I don’t think I ever fully loved until I was able to so easily respect and admire a man because he’s just a good, good man.

This mutual love and respect combined with a deep desire to contribute to each other’s happiness makes that flashy stuff of romance novels pale in comparison.

If I could give any advice to single women it would be to take a good assessment of what makes you respect a man. What attributes and personality traits engender your respect? Look for someone who possesses those characteristics.

Red hot instant attraction often clouds our judgement about whether someone is a good fit for us. So keep the physical contact to a minimum in the early stages so you can keep a clear head.

And give that really good guy (who you might not be instantly head-over-heels for) a little more time to get to know him. That “red hot romance” could develop out of a true connection and mutual respect.

Did you know your men challenges could be related to your money problems? Mine were. Here’s what I discovered

Joe and Nicole Dean, married 20 years

Making Time for Your Marriage

When you’re a busy woman entrepreneur with or without kids, it can be very difficult making time for your marriage. By the time you get your work done, take care of the kids and the house, your marriage often gets the shaft. Just like your business, your marriage needs time to keep it nourished and alive.

I had the opportunity to interview busy entrepreneur, Nicole Dean about making time for your marriage. Here’s what she had to say.

making time for your marriage - nicole deanNicole Dean

Nicole says, “It’s always good for us to be throwing in something new and exciting. I always like to have something on the calendar to look forward to, so I don’t wake up and think, “Oh, it’s another day.”

Audio Length: 1 minute, 35 seconds

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Courtney and Dallas Beardall, married 23 years

Make Time For Each Other

From the interview I conducted with Courtney Beardall.

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Courtney and her husband are very active people. She calls them “do-ers” so they don’t let grass grow long enough to get stale in their marriage. What Courtney suggests is making time for each other whether you’re going to Dairy Queen or Mexico.

Audio Length: 1 minute

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Ayn Rand on Sex

Ayn Rand: Sex and How You See Yourself

My all-time favorite novel is Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. It helped me see where I had been enabling other people in my life. It helped me grow a spine and set boundaries in relationships. It opened my eyes to where I had lost myself. Reading Atlas Shrugged was one of the first steps I took in finding my way back to emotional and relational health.

I like Rand because she makes me think, and I absolutely love the characters in Atlas Shrugged. I’ve watched video interviews with Rand, and she comes across more abrasive and stubborn in person than in her fiction. I don’t always agree with her philosophies, but because I love the novel so much, I’ve tried to at least understand where she’s coming from. Doing so, has helped me gain new insights into relationships and humanity.

I was researching some of Rand’s quotes today for another blog and found this intriguing quote on sex. In recent years I’ve come to understand how closely tied our sex lives are to the value we see in ourselves. I’ve never heard anyone articulate it quite this way.

aynrand“Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person’s sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves.

No matter what corruption they’re taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment – just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! – an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.

It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience – or to fake – a sense of self-esteem .. Love is our response to our highest values – and can be nothing else.”  – Ayn Rand

What do you think of what she has to say on this subject?

Gina Parris discusses sex in marriage

How Can I Enjoy Sex More with My Husband?

Some women have trouble enjoying sex. They may have trouble climaxing or they may suffer from low libido caused by menopause. Perhaps they just have a lower interest level than their husbands. But, most of the time, women are simply overworked by the roles they play — as wives and mothers taking care of a household, children and perhaps even pursuing a career, women can get worn out and simply be too exhausted for sex.

Your husband may be wondering, “How do I get my wife to be more sexually active?” And you may be wondering “How do I get him to leave me alone?” or perhaps a better question is, “How do I enjoy sex with my husband when I’m not in the mood?”

As I interviewed the entrepreneurial women for the Having It All Virtual Summit, I had a great conversation with Gina Parris about how to enjoy sex when you’re not in the mood.

Gina Parris

Gina wrote the book onHow to Have Really Great Sex When You’re Not In the Mood.” In this segment Gina talks about how men and women are wired differently and how to be responsive and connect even when you don’t feel like it to start with.

Audio Length: 7 minutes

 

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paulascardamalia-longeryouremarried

NewlyWed Chronicles: The Longer the Better

My husband Chris and I are approaching 5 months of wedded bliss. This morning as I was lying in his arms, I said, “I’m not seeing your flaws. I must still be in the honeymoon phase.”

He said, “Good. Stay there.”

I added, “How about we stay here for another 50 years? Let’s stay here forever.”

He thought that was a good idea.

Bob and Paula Scardamalia

Bob and Paula Scardamalia

Most people think the longer you’re married, the more boring and ordinary it becomes. My friend Paula Scardamalia says it’s the complete opposite.

By the way, Bob and Paula are one of the three couples who modeled to me what a great marriage could be. So I highly prize her wisdom. She told me this:

“The longer you’re married to somebody, the more of a delight and adventure it is. There is so much within the sexual relationship, within the emotional relationship, within the mental and the physical and even within the spiritual.

They are all journeys that if you can stay with it, if you’re willing to work within the relationship, become so much richer, so much deeper, so much more color and texture. It’s such a journey worth taking.”

Listen in as Paula expounds on why this is…

 

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Newlywed Chronicles: Needing a Man

I found this song by Meghan Trainor yesterday and really love it. It's about loving someone like there's no tomorrow. It made me think of how I feel about my husband. Every day I have with him is precious.

 

I woke up around 4 am this morning, unable to sleep. Chris was lying on his back, so I didn't want to disturb him. I laid there wanting to put my arms around him and feel his body next to mine. As I lay there in the stillness, I realized how much I need this man. He is such an incredible comfort to me.

He eventually turned over on his side, and I snuggled up behind him, putting my arm around his waist. I could feel him lean into me and everything was right in my world again.

I haven't allowed myself to need a man in decades. But I do need this man -- his kindness, his warmth, his touch, his love, his provision, his wisdom.

chris-marnie-dancing-weddingWhen I first told one of my friends that I had decided to divorce my first husband, she said, "I could see that coming." I was surprised because I'd never complained about him to her. I'd never said I was unhappy in my marriage.

She said, "Sometimes it's what you don't say that says the most." She continued, "You know how your friends are so important to you? That was an indicator to me that your core relationship was missing something important."

For my entire adult life I've been a people collector. I love people. I love their diversity, their viewpoints, their wisdom. But it never occurred to me that I was really searching for something I was missing in my core marital relationship.

I love my friends and always will. I have needed them and still do. But with this man, I don't feel that insatiable need to roam the world collecting people to fill a void. Some would say I shouldn't need anyone. I should be okay being alone. I can be alone. But, I am at the core a connector, a collaborator, a co-creator. I was born to be part of something synergistic.

While this marriage is beautiful, and exactly what I've longed for, it's also a bit frightening because I realize nothing, in this life, lasts forever. So I will continue to love him each and every moment as if it is our last.

Allyson and Jeremy Chavez, married 19 years

Intimacy Can Improve Your Business

One of the questions I'm asking all the entrepreneurial women I'm interviewing is about intimacy. What tips, suggestions or thoughts do you have about sex in marriage? For the men reading this, you might be asking, "How to get my wife to be more sexually active?" Or if you're a woman, you might be wondering, "how can I enjoy sex more with my husband?"

I thought Allyson Chavez had some interesting insights for women -- especially career women. Her suggestion, "Be intimate a lot. Successful women entrepreneurs are in a ton of masculine energy. Intimacy for us is very feminine. It's very vulnerable. We have to be open. We have to get into that feminine power. The feminine energy is just as powerful as the masculine energy."

Audio Version:

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Shortened Video Version:

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allyson chavezAllyson Chavez is a miracles and transformation mentor and energy practitioner, specializing in teaching others how to make miracles and transform their life. Using the SimplyHealed TM method of energy work, Allyson quickly locates the false, limiting beliefs that are holding people back and keeping them playing small in their life. By removing these blocks and then reprogramming the mindset from mediocrity to miracles, clients can much more quickly and easily hold the vibrations that lead to transformation, and ultimately create miracle after miracle after miracle. And by educating her clients about the correct way to use immutable universal laws of creation, they are empowered to live life on their terms. Visit Allyson at www.AllysonChavez.com