Courtney Beardall wrapped up her interview with me by sharing this sage advice:
“If you’re going to be happy in your marriage, you have to decide to be happy. You have to decide and make that choice every day. You have to not just “be happy.” You have to enjoy your spouse. Find genuine joy in them. A lot of times that’s deciding to find absolute delight in their quirks and shortcomings and silly things. Choose to find delight in your spouse.
A lot of times they need someone to take the lead. They need us to find them attractive and funny and handsome and invaluable. We need to be complimenting each other. They respond to that. If you’re treating your spouse badly and you expect them to treat you wonderful, you’re dreamin’! Be brave. Be kind first.”
Listen to this short audio with Courtney
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About Courtney Beardall
Courtney Beardall lives with her family in Northern Wyoming. If you don’t find her in her healing room, you will find her on a mountain top with her kids or exploring something new. Learning is a life long process and she is always looking for new and better ways to incorporate science, biology and spiritual laws. She is the creator of Investigating health, an energy modality that incorporates all aspects of the human body, including hormones, chemicals, structure, physiology and behavioral disorders. She teaches online courses in energy healing. Visit her online at www.CourtneyBeardall.com
When I interviewed Debra Brown Gordy of TheSophiaWomensInstitute.com , she shared with me this important mind-shift about marriage that can completely change the way we view it and the results we get.
“In the conventional mainstream world, marriage is viewed as a contract like a business contract or arrangement. If a person and their spouse are married in a civil ceremony, and in many cases in a religious ceremony, it’s an exchange. I do this, and you do that. That’s a contract idea.
To get into what marriage really is, we need to go beyond the idea of a “contract” to marriage being a sacred bond, grounded in a sacred lasting promise.
This kind of promise was anciently referred to as a covenant. That is what a marriage really is. When we remember and realize that, that we’re not creating just another ordinary relationship or friendship, it implies respecting, nurturing and protecting the bond.
The bond must come first.
The mistakes and wounds that hurt a marriage the most and that are the most injurious and difficult to overcome are injuries to the bond. That’s why, for instance, infidelity is such an injurious wound. It’s an injury and violation of the bond.
When we remember that marriage is a sacred bond, we invoke an entirely new level of connection and commitment between us. It’s in this new level of connection and commitment that we have access to sacred power for good that we can access no other way.
This is a mind-shift and a deepening of our understanding especially in the era we’re living in now when we are creating generations of people where divorce is increasingly common place. We have third generations of families that have an immediate history of divorce. This makes marriage sacred again.
You’ll have access to the full audio clip on this subject — her “3 Secrets to Soul-Satisfying Love” through our virtual summit. Be sure to sign up for it in the box on the right side of this page.
Debra Brown Gordy is The Women’s Spiritual Empowerment Mentor TM & president of The Sophia Women’s Institute. For over thirty years, she has been guiding accomplished women who hunger for more love and personal fulfillment to create deeply loving marriages and fulfilling lives along with their professional success. As a relationship therapist, speaker, teacher, author and musician, Debra is known for connecting with audiences with her warmth, wit and real-life wisdom. She is the author of the forth-coming book, Cinderella Wisdom: A Woman’s Quest for Freedom, Happiness & Lasting Love, & creator of many deeply transformative programs for women including “Freeing the Heroine Within You to Flourish!” Visit her at http://www.TheSophiaWomensInstitute.com
One day in November of 2015, I was sitting over at my sister’s house for a bit. My 4-year-old nephew Joel (her grandson) got in trouble for something and had a toy taken away. He was not happy. He started to cry and got very upset.
Then he said something like, “I’m not happy. I want to be happy.”
On a dime, Joel started jumping up and down as if something wonderful happened. I watched him closely and from that point forward he was happy as a lark and moved on to doing something else.
This caused me to ask myself, “How much power do we have to control our Happy?
That same day was a rough one for me. It was spiraling downward fast. Then I thought of Joel and said, “I’m not happy. I want to be happy.” I put on a smile, jumped up and down and I felt amazingly better throughout the rest of the day. Thank you Joel!
Choosing A Theme for 2016
People have been telling me what their word or theme is for 2016. One friend is “prosperity,” another is “ease and flow.” I like both of those. I really hadn’t given much thought to selecting a word this year. I’ve been dealing with some health issues, and it’s a challenge some days to concentrate on my work. I have been more frustrated than happy. I feel like I’m not me. I’m a do-er and my ability to “do” has diminished.
There are really good things in my life, but it seems I can’t fully enjoy them because I’m spending what little energy I have trying to keep up with everything or stressing over the things I can’t fix or can’t accomplish.
Perhaps you know the feeling. Have you ever felt like life is forcing you to rest, but there are so many demands on you, you can’t? Sometimes I’d like to go live on a tiny island with my husband, eat fruit from trees, and have no one to answer to. Sigh…
My priorities have changed significantly of late. I used to want “abundance,” but now I have decided simplicity is my abundance. Give me a simple life, with the fewest things to be responsible for. Give me an abundance of peace of mind, happiness, time to enjoy my husband and family, and freedom to visit my children and grandbabies.
Simplicity. This morning I almost chose that word for 2016.
That didn’t feel quite right.
Then I decided “Happiness” would be a better word. As I learned from Joel, happiness is a choice. I can choose happiness anytime I want, IF I have the courage to do so.
Then again, I have a sneaking suspicion that for me the road to happiness has a lot to do with Simplicity. Happiness is found in the simple things. If I look for it there, I’m bound to find it.
Want to Join Me?
So my theme for 2016 is Simply Happy Now. I’ve decided I’m going to post my Simply Happy moments to my Facebook wall using the hashtag #SimplyHappyNow. You’re welcome to follow me on Facebook and see what I discover. I hope you’ll join me in choosing simple happiness in the NOW. If you’d like, share your moments with the #SimplyHappyNow hashtag on social media and let’s see how much happiness we can create together in 2016.
I’ll blog the highlights here.
Countess of Grantham: “You’ve been talking to Isabel….”
Earl of Grantham: “I have been talking to Cora”
Countess of Grantham: “That is a mistake.”
Lord Grantham: “You can’t expect me to avoid talking to my own wife.”
Countess of Grantham: “Why not? I know several couples who are very happy who haven’t spoken in years.”
Okay, so not the best marriage advice in the world, but you have to admit, she lets loose some zingers!
I found this song by Meghan Trainor yesterday and really love it. It's about loving someone like there's no tomorrow. It made me think of how I feel about my husband. Every day I have with him is precious.
I woke up around 4 am this morning, unable to sleep. Chris was lying on his back, so I didn't want to disturb him. I laid there wanting to put my arms around him and feel his body next to mine. As I lay there in the stillness, I realized how much I need this man. He is such an incredible comfort to me.
He eventually turned over on his side, and I snuggled up behind him, putting my arm around his waist. I could feel him lean into me and everything was right in my world again.
I haven't allowed myself to need a man in decades. But I do need this man -- his kindness, his warmth, his touch, his love, his provision, his wisdom.
When I first told one of my friends that I had decided to divorce my first husband, she said, "I could see that coming." I was surprised because I'd never complained about him to her. I'd never said I was unhappy in my marriage.
She said, "Sometimes it's what you don't say that says the most." She continued, "You know how your friends are so important to you? That was an indicator to me that your core relationship was missing something important."
For my entire adult life I've been a people collector. I love people. I love their diversity, their viewpoints, their wisdom. But it never occurred to me that I was really searching for something I was missing in my core marital relationship.
I love my friends and always will. I have needed them and still do. But with this man, I don't feel that insatiable need to roam the world collecting people to fill a void. Some would say I shouldn't need anyone. I should be okay being alone. I can be alone. But, I am at the core a connector, a collaborator, a co-creator. I was born to be part of something synergistic.
While this marriage is beautiful, and exactly what I've longed for, it's also a bit frightening because I realize nothing, in this life, lasts forever. So I will continue to love him each and every moment as if it is our last.
In 2012, Google changes decimated my business overnight. At the time, the bulk of my multi-six-figure-revenue came from an article marketing directory I’d created back in 1998 (IdeaMarketers). Literally from one day to the next, my business was destroyed. But I wasn’t the only one. Other people were affected by this change. One of them was Karon Thackston of Marketing Words. The loss of article marketing, affected 50% of her business revenues.
As I interviewed Karon for my upcoming book on “Having It All,” I asked her how she handles bouncing back from setbacks — whether those setbacks are in your marriage or in your business.
I loved her perspective and wisdom. I think anyone who is dealing with a major setback would find her insights helpful.
You may listen to this segment of my interview with Karon here:
To summarize, here’s what Karon did:
- Got an assurance she was supposed to continue her business.
- Remained determined – “Failure was not an option,” she said.
- Consulted specialized experts to fill knowledge-gaps in her business.
- Trusted there is an answer and looked for opportunities to open.
- Pursued opportunities and relationships that would enhance her business.
- Made a plan to develop X number of new products in a year – going from inception to launch.
- Worked her plan.
- Delegated as her business started growing again.
“It always works better if I decide not to act out of fear but wait and listen.” – Karon Thackston
I was browsing through our wedding photos and was particular drawn to one of me giving my husband a hug. So much of the bliss I experience in marriage comes from my husband's hugs. Whether it's lying in his arms at night or the hug he gives me when he leaves for work in the morning, there's something downright addicting about having his arms around me and being close to him.
As I thought about this, I realized that I love hugs ... period. A blissful life is one filled with hugs. Hugs from friends, from children, from grandbabies, from parents... almost every precious moment in my life is punctuated with a hug. So, just for fun, I put together this little montage video of some of my favorite hugs. Hug someone today!
One of the questions I'm asking all the entrepreneurial women I'm interviewing is about intimacy. What tips, suggestions or thoughts do you have about sex in marriage? For the men reading this, you might be asking, "How to get my wife to be more sexually active?" Or if you're a woman, you might be wondering, "how can I enjoy sex more with my husband?"
I thought Allyson Chavez had some interesting insights for women -- especially career women. Her suggestion, "Be intimate a lot. Successful women entrepreneurs are in a ton of masculine energy. Intimacy for us is very feminine. It's very vulnerable. We have to be open. We have to get into that feminine power. The feminine energy is just as powerful as the masculine energy."
Shortened Video Version:
Get the full interview with Allyson as well as 19 other entrepreneurial women sharing their happy marriage secrets here.
Allyson Chavez is a miracles and transformation mentor and energy practitioner, specializing in teaching others how to make miracles and transform their life. Using the SimplyHealed TM method of energy work, Allyson quickly locates the false, limiting beliefs that are holding people back and keeping them playing small in their life. By removing these blocks and then reprogramming the mindset from mediocrity to miracles, clients can much more quickly and easily hold the vibrations that lead to transformation, and ultimately create miracle after miracle after miracle. And by educating her clients about the correct way to use immutable universal laws of creation, they are empowered to live life on their terms. Visit Allyson at www.AllysonChavez.com
One of the questions I’m asking the successful women entrepreneurs I’m interviewing for the summit and book is, “Do you have rules or boundaries in your marriage and family?”
A few days ago, I interviewed Courtney Beardall and asked her this question. You can listen to Courtney’s 2-minute reply here:
I loved her delightful list of “family rules.”
- Be thankful.
- Pay with hugs and kisses
- Do your best.
- Try new things.
- Be happy.
- Use kind words.
- Laugh all the time.
- Listen to your parents.
- Say please and thank you.
- Trust God.
- Remember to always pray
- Love each other.
What rules or boundaries do you set in your marriage and family?
Courtney Beardall lives with her family in Northern Wyoming. If you don’t find her in her healing room, you will find her on a mountain top with her kids or exploring something new. Learning is a life long process and she is always looking for new and better ways to incorporate science, biology and spiritual laws.
She is the creator of Investigating health, an energy modality that incorporates all aspects of the human body, including hormones, chemicals, structure, physiology and behavioral disorders. She teaches online courses in energy healing. Visit her at www.CourtneyBeardall.com.
My friends Jennifer and Patrick Youngblood are one of the three couples who modeled to me what a great marriage looks like. These two are both very opinionated and strong-willed. They’re also both successful entrepreneurs in their own right. Jennifer is a bestselling author and Patrick is one of the most brilliant branding/packaging/marketing minds I know.
While interviewing Jennifer today for the summit and book, I got a good laugh out of her answer to my question about communication tips. At one point she said,
“My husband is the most persuasive man on the planet. If we have a disagreement and we start discussing it, I tell him, ‘Look, I don’t care how right you sound, I know I’m right.’ He can convince anyone of anything, so I’m like, ‘I don’t care! I know you sound right, but I’m right.'”
Want to hear Jennifer talk about communication? Listen below:
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