self-care in marriage

Self-Care Contributes to Happy Marriages

Self-care is a big part of what you bring to your relationships. If you are not taking care of yourself, you can easily become depleted physically, emotionally and spiritually. This detracts from your ability to love and serve your family.

The more you take care of yourself, the more you have to give, the more interesting you are, and the more you not only love yourself, but are able to fully love and serve your spouse and children.

Being a tom-boy from Cody Wyoming, Courtney Beardall says she was a “little late coming to the party” when it came to self-care.

But she has concluded:

“How you take care of yourself, how you respect yourself, and the time you invest in yourself reflects in all aspects of your life. It’s the other side of the same coin of being successful. I’ve come to understand there is real merit in making yourself appear as you want to be. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s valuable.”

Audio Length: 4 minutes, 45 seconds

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Joe and Nicole Dean, married 20 years

Making Time for Your Marriage

When you’re a busy woman entrepreneur with or without kids, it can be very difficult making time for your marriage. By the time you get your work done, take care of the kids and the house, your marriage often gets the shaft. Just like your business, your marriage needs time to keep it nourished and alive.

I had the opportunity to interview busy entrepreneur, Nicole Dean about making time for your marriage. Here’s what she had to say.

making time for your marriage - nicole deanNicole Dean

Nicole says, “It’s always good for us to be throwing in something new and exciting. I always like to have something on the calendar to look forward to, so I don’t wake up and think, “Oh, it’s another day.”

Audio Length: 1 minute, 35 seconds

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Courtney and Dallas Beardall, married 23 years

Make Time For Each Other

From the interview I conducted with Courtney Beardall.

courtney beardallCourtney Beardall

Courtney and her husband are very active people. She calls them “do-ers” so they don’t let grass grow long enough to get stale in their marriage. What Courtney suggests is making time for each other whether you’re going to Dairy Queen or Mexico.

Audio Length: 1 minute

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Larry and Debra Gordy, married 21 years

Soul Satisfying Love: 3 Secrets to Creating It

I interviewed Debra Brown-Gordy about how to create a soul satisfying love. Here’s what she had to say…

soul satisfying loveDebra Brown-Gordy
www.TheSophiaWomensInstitute.com

In order to create a soul-satisfying love and to keep the spice, interest and vitality in your relationship, Debra Brown-Gordy says you need to understand first and foremost what marriage is. It’s not what many of us think. It’s so much more.

Listen to this 20-minute audio to discover 3 Secrets to Soul-Satisfying Love.

 

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Want all 20 full uncut interviews, all the audios below plus more subjects not included in the summit? Want them handy on your computer, MP3 player or phone? Get the full Having It All Audio Package here.

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Ayn Rand on Sex

Ayn Rand: Sex and How You See Yourself

My all-time favorite novel is Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. It helped me see where I had been enabling other people in my life. It helped me grow a spine and set boundaries in relationships. It opened my eyes to where I had lost myself. Reading Atlas Shrugged was one of the first steps I took in finding my way back to emotional and relational health.

I like Rand because she makes me think, and I absolutely love the characters in Atlas Shrugged. I’ve watched video interviews with Rand, and she comes across more abrasive and stubborn in person than in her fiction. I don’t always agree with her philosophies, but because I love the novel so much, I’ve tried to at least understand where she’s coming from. Doing so, has helped me gain new insights into relationships and humanity.

I was researching some of Rand’s quotes today for another blog and found this intriguing quote on sex. In recent years I’ve come to understand how closely tied our sex lives are to the value we see in ourselves. I’ve never heard anyone articulate it quite this way.

aynrand“Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person’s sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves.

No matter what corruption they’re taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment – just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! – an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.

It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience – or to fake – a sense of self-esteem .. Love is our response to our highest values – and can be nothing else.”  – Ayn Rand

What do you think of what she has to say on this subject?

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Finding Mr. Right

how to get a man to love meI saw this post about “How to Get a Man to Love You.” I spent time during my dating years reading stuff like that. Trying to figure out how men tick and what I was supposed to do to “make a man love me.”

Here’s what I discovered… STOP trying to make a man love you. That’s the problem! You care too much. Stop needing, forcing or trying so danged hard. Just be yourself and the man who is right for you … who is going to love you … will just love you.

You won’t have to “get him to do it.” Be yourself, love yourself, hold to your values and wait for the man who knows he’s found a treasure from the get-go!

Here’s how I used positive affirmations to retrain my brain and found the man who instantly saw my value and loves me for me.

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Julie Hanks talking about love relationships

Should You Stay and Grow or Go?

The truth is relationships are rarely perfect and are often rocky. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW, a professional therapist for 20+ years and married for 26 years says, “We have this unrealistic expectation about what love is – it’s bliss, it’s happiness. It’s really about growth. We have to ask, ‘Am I still growing in this relationship?’ Cause you’re not always going to be happy. Clients come in thinking something’s wrong because they’re not happy.

But, no, this is a chance to grow. The painful moments are a chance to grow. Even in family relationships, not necessarily intimate love relationships, there are always opportunities to grow but there are things we don’t want to look at.”

The things we’re defensive about are clues as to where we are being called to grow.

“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must become completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” – Cynthia Occelli

Hanks continues, “I think that happens in relationships too. Sometimes it falls apart to grow and come back together as something that’s even more beautiful.” As individuals and as a couple we should be progressing. “We learn about ourselves and grow in relation to other people. Isolated we don’t grow. We need each other. That doesn’t mean you have to be married to grow. We need relationships. We need to bump up against people to smooth off our edges.”

What To Do When Things Get Rocky

She also brings out that we pick partners who will force us to grow and heal past wounds. Julie says, “If things are rocky instead of asking, ‘Should we get divorced or not?’ ask ‘What do we need to learn?’ If you’re still growing, stay in it.

I really appreciated this last statement because what I told my first husband as I finally admitted I wanted a divorce was, “I die a little every day I stay in this marriage.”   I had grown so much in that relationship, addressed so many things in me, but it got to the point where I was no longer growing. I was dying. My well was dry, I had been completely depleted by the dynamic.

After making the decision, I went to a marriage and family therapist (who happened to be very pro-marriage). He helped me see my spouse was never going to grow as long as he was with me. It was too easy for him to be co-dependent upon me and allow me to carry the load. Odds were, he would never grow further as long as he was with me because of the dynamic.

In my opinion, there’s a time to stay and grow, and there’s a time to go. You have to judge for yourself whether you’re growing or dying in a relationship.

Watch the full interview with Julie de Azevedo Hanks. Lots more good stuff here:

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Gina Parris discusses sex in marriage

How Can I Enjoy Sex More with My Husband?

Some women have trouble enjoying sex. They may have trouble climaxing or they may suffer from low libido caused by menopause. Perhaps they just have a lower interest level than their husbands. But, most of the time, women are simply overworked by the roles they play — as wives and mothers taking care of a household, children and perhaps even pursuing a career, women can get worn out and simply be too exhausted for sex.

Your husband may be wondering, “How do I get my wife to be more sexually active?” And you may be wondering “How do I get him to leave me alone?” or perhaps a better question is, “How do I enjoy sex with my husband when I’m not in the mood?”

As I interviewed the entrepreneurial women for the Having It All Virtual Summit, I had a great conversation with Gina Parris about how to enjoy sex when you’re not in the mood.

Gina Parris

Gina wrote the book onHow to Have Really Great Sex When You’re Not In the Mood.” In this segment Gina talks about how men and women are wired differently and how to be responsive and connect even when you don’t feel like it to start with.

Audio Length: 7 minutes

 

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Get all 20 interviews with entrepreneurial women sharing their happy marriage secrets. We talk about intimacy, spicing up your marriage, overcoming financial challenges, bouncing back from setbacks, boundaries in marriage and families and much more. Click here for details.

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courtneybeardall-bekindfirst

Choose To Be Happy in Your Marriage

Courtney and Dallas Beardall, married 22 years.

Courtney and Dallas Beardall, married 22 years.

Courtney Beardall wrapped up her interview with me by sharing this sage advice:

“If you’re going to be happy in your marriage, you have to decide to be happy. You have to decide and make that choice every day. You have to not just “be happy.” You have to enjoy your spouse. Find genuine joy in them. A lot of times that’s deciding to find absolute delight in their quirks and shortcomings and silly things. Choose to find delight in your spouse.

A lot of times they need someone to take the lead. They need us to find them attractive and funny and handsome and invaluable. We need to be complimenting each other. They respond to that. If you’re treating your spouse badly and you expect them to treat you wonderful, you’re dreamin’! Be brave. Be kind first.”

Listen to this short audio with Courtney

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Be sure to sign up for the Having It All Summit and to be notified when the book is released. You don’t want to miss a thing! There’s a box on the right-hand side of this page to sign up for notices.

About Courtney Beardall

Courtney Beardall lives with her family in Northern Wyoming. If you don’t find her in her healing room, you will find her on a mountain top with her kids or exploring something new. Learning is a life long process and she is always looking for new and better ways to incorporate science, biology and spiritual laws. She is the creator of Investigating health, an energy modality that incorporates all aspects of the human body, including hormones, chemicals, structure, physiology and behavioral disorders. She teaches online courses in energy healing. Visit her online at www.CourtneyBeardall.com

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debra brown gordy defining marriage

Marriage Properly Defined Transforms Our Relationships

When I interviewed Debra Brown Gordy of TheSophiaWomensInstitute.com , she shared with me this important mind-shift about marriage that can completely change the way we view it and the results we get.

debra brown gordy“In the conventional mainstream world, marriage is viewed as a contract like a business contract or arrangement. If a person and their spouse are married in a civil ceremony, and in many cases in a religious ceremony, it’s an exchange. I do this, and you do that. That’s a contract idea.

To get into what marriage really is, we need to go beyond the idea of a “contract” to marriage being a sacred bond, grounded in a sacred lasting promise.

This kind of promise was anciently referred to as a covenant. That is what a marriage really is. When we remember and realize that, that we’re not creating just another ordinary relationship or friendship, it implies respecting, nurturing and protecting the bond.

The bond must come first.

The mistakes and wounds that hurt a marriage the most and that are the most injurious and difficult to overcome are injuries to the bond. That’s why, for instance, infidelity is such an injurious wound. It’s an injury and violation of the bond.

When we remember that marriage is a sacred bond, we invoke an entirely new level of connection and commitment between us. It’s in this new level of connection and commitment that we have access to sacred power for good that we can access no other way.

This is a mind-shift and a deepening of our understanding especially in the era we’re living in now when we are creating generations of people where divorce is increasingly common place. We have third generations of families that have an immediate history of divorce. This makes marriage sacred again.

You’ll have access to the full audio clip on this subject — her “3 Secrets to Soul-Satisfying Love” through our virtual summit. Be sure to sign up for it in the box on the right side of this page.

About Debra

Debra Brown Gordy is The Women’s Spiritual Empowerment Mentor TM & president of The Sophia Women’s Institute. For over thirty years, she has been guiding accomplished women who hunger for more love and personal fulfillment to create deeply loving marriages and fulfilling lives along with their professional success. As a relationship therapist, speaker, teacher, author and musician, Debra is known for connecting with audiences with her warmth, wit and real-life wisdom. She is the author of the forth-coming book, Cinderella Wisdom: A Woman’s Quest for Freedom, Happiness & Lasting Love, & creator of many deeply transformative programs for women including “Freeing the Heroine Within You to Flourish!” Visit her at http://www.TheSophiaWomensInstitute.com

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